Can You Talk with Mom?

I've been watching the poll results and reading your messages. The good news is that many of you (about 71%) can talk with your moms ... at least about most things. The bad news is that for about 16% of you, your relationship with your mom needs some major work.

I don't have all the answers, but here are a few things I do know. First, hard as it may be to admit, your relationship with your mother has a great deal of impact on what your relationship with your future kids will be like. Not that you're fatally doomed to repeat her mistakes, and your kids yours. Just that every attempt at improving your relationship, if that can be accomplished, is a significant step toward breaking the chain of dysfunction that, if unchecked, often continues generation after generation. So it's really worth trying.

Second, you can only fix you. Blaming or trying to fix her doesn't work. Blaming is easy, and yeah, sometimes you're right in what you think, but it doesn't accomplish anything. My friend took this attitude, "With God's help, I will fix me. Sure, she did all this stuff, and she's wrong for all these reasons. But the only person I can really change is me."

Finally, if the relationship is hopeless, get help. And if the help isn't helping, get other help. A dysfunctional family usually stays dysfunctional. However, individuals from that family can get out of the mud and wash up ... but usually they need help. Sometimes in time the whole family can get straightened out ... but again, not without outside help. Sources for this help may include a teacher, guidance counselor, coach, principal, pastor or church leader, or another trusted adult.

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If you want to message me on this subject, feel free to contact me.

♥ Steph

Posted 1.7.2007